Sun. night TV

I don't know what it says about our society that the best way to alert people of a life-altering event is by leaving an away message about it.

I can know what many of my friends, and even more of my "friends," did this weekend with just a few clicks. I can find out who is mad at whom, who broke up with whom and who is feeling elated or frustrated for no apparent reason.

I've found out about engagements, new jobs and newborns through IM.

Reading body language is so passe. Reading away messages--that's what's in.

For those of us who are funny, we out up funny away messages.

For those of us who are not, we put up "I am away from my computer right now," "Away" or "Out."

Even my away messages are somewhat revealing, even if just on the surface. If you just look at the random ones I've saved over the past month or so, you'd know that I am left-handed, like football, often make chicken, am going to Israel in December, teach Sunday school, and listen to Jimmy Eat World.

My personality floats around on the Internet, and its changes can be updated as often I want, thanks to "profiles" or "testimonials."

And then there's this whole blog thing. I don't like telling people about my blog. It's embarrassing. And dorky. And read mostly by former campers who are still in high school. (No offense.) But it's another way of knowing a lot about me with me having met/seen/had a conversation with me.

So is this good or bad?

For me, it's bad. I hate technology. I'm going to be that old person who's going to tell his grandkids, "I remember the car, and it was way better than those flying machines you have now." So sitting at a computer updating AIM, Facebook or Friendster profiles is something I rarely do. If I'm going to stare at something for hours, it's going to be a book or a crossword. Maybe a Sudoku, but even those have started to annoy me. (I'm over them.)

It's also bad for me because I pride myself in remembering things about people's lives. If you're reading this blog now, chances are that we are friends and I know your birthday, your roommate, where you were born, your favorite pro sports team, and names of your last two ex-boy/girlfriends.

If I have all that readily available on a computer, what's the point of remembering all that? Facebook sends me birthday updates, and Friendster e-mails me when my friends update their profiles.

In wanting so much information so far, we've lost our soul.

(I'm kidding about that; I just can't think of any other way to end it, and "Grey's Anatomy" is coming on in two minutes.)

The masses of readers have spoken

TheBarryMeister: i wait two weeks for a blog entry, and all you give me is that short piece of crap

Follow your nose

I have a friend coming in from New York over the weekend. She'll be here for an interview at Northwestern Law School, and when she's not freaking out about what to say or do while she's grilled by a likely overzealous, condescending admissions counselor, she and I are going to hang out.

There's a problem with visitors from New York: you can't take them anywhere in this city. Their city is bigger, they have more pro sports teams, their buildings are taller (we have the Sears Tower, but that's little consolation), their hip neighborhoods are hipper and their yuppie neighborhood are yuppier.

You can't fit "I *heart* Chicago" on a T-shirt so well, either.

I can't take my New York friend down Michigan Avenue--what I usually do with out-of-towners--for two reasons. I hate shopping, and she'd probably say, "It's nothing like Fifth Avenue."

She did mention, though, that she would like to go to a place called "Cereality," a new restaurant in the West Loop.

To which I shook my head and responded, "How about shopping on Michigan Ave.?"

At Cereality, they serve cereal. Hot cold, cold cereal, cereal bars--any and everything that's cereal-related.

To this I say: Stay home, watch Sportscenter and eat the cereal in your pantry!

Their speciality, so I hear, is mixing cereal. That means you can have Lucky Charms and Cheerios...in the same bowl!

It's as if this restaurant presumes that no one had thought of mixing cereal before, which is totally ludicrous.

In Tennessee, we've been mixing for years.

I remember that when I was little and sleeping over at friends' places, my friends' parents would be surprised when I requested two cereals for breakfast instead of one. The nerve.

Either I was a trend-setter or did just about the most obvious thing ever that most people don't do.

From this I've decided that there are really only two types of people in the world: those who eat one cereal for breakfast, and those who mix.

Mixers are way better. We are risk-takers and take risks on a daily basis--like mixing Quaker Oat Squares with Honey Bunches of Oats! Look out!

No offense if you're not a mixer, but if you're not, I bet you're a right-handed Yankees fan who hasn't started planning for retirement, too. To you I say, Do not be a fair-weather fan, get an IRA, and start mixing! Life is too short to have one cereal at a time!

I understand going out to eat, especially ethnic food. I am white and do not currently have any Mexican friends who cook. So weekly Baja Fresh is justified.

Until, that is, I find a grilled veggie burrito in my kitchen cabinet.